As a young girl you probably wondered what it would be like, and now it is here. He shares some heartfelt words and then suddenly gets down on one knee. He asks you to marry him and now he is patiently awaiting your response. The ring is beautiful, you two have been dating for X amount of years, and you love him and couldn’t imagine spending your life with anyone else. What should you say? I am not trying to ruin your fantastic moment but honestly, the answer to this question shouldn’t be taken lightly. Is this the person that you want to say “I DO” to? For a moment, let’s set all the feel good emotions aside and take a look at 5 things to consider before you consider taking that walk down the aisle.
1. Have You Been Praying
Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.” From this we understand that He is the one who finds us but how do you know He is the one. Sure you know this person and perhaps they make you laugh like no other guy ever has, but is he the one that God has for you. Before you can know this I truly believe that it is crucial to be in prayer. Even if you are not currently dating anyone, it is important to be praying for the mate that God is sending your way. Why? Because if you are in prayer on a regular basis you won’t miss God’s leading when the time comes.
2. Do You Know Who You Are As An Individual
As you are waiting for “the one” to find you make sure that you are preparing yourself for him. You may not know who you are fully but as you get older you will discover more about yourself. What you like and what you don’t. What you can deal with and what you can’t. What your non-negotiables are and what you are willing to adjust. As time goes on you will change and so will he and you must take that into account.
Have an idea of what the answers are for you to the above and then find out what those are for him. Ie: Does he believe in going to church? Do you? Is it important to you for you both to be there, and is that non-negotiable or something you are willing to adjust? Don’t take the answers to questions like these lightly. If you are going to say “I Do” then I am assuming you are intending to make a lifetime commitment. If this person doesn’t value the same things as you and isn’t willing to adjust then you two are incompatible. Again, yes you both will change and grow as you get older and so will some of your values but somethings aren’t worth risking.
3. For Better Or For Worse
You really must set aside your emotional high and deal with this honestly. How much are you willing to put up with and when is enough too much? In marriage, unexpected things will happen. The two of you will grow and change, difficulties will arise, compromises will have to be made countless times, and so much more. When you say for better or for worse you must know that worse will come and you can’t just quit. Is this the person that you are willing to stand up to “the worse” with? Is this the person that will hold on to you when “the worse” comes? Is this the person that will pray your way through when you don’t have the strength and vice versa? This is so important. Don’t throw a blind eye to the “for better or for worse” commitment. Also, you both need to talk about things that you aren’t willing to work through. Ie: if either one of you cheats, if either one of you commits a crime, just two drastic examples.
4. Are There Things That You Cannot Talk To One Another About
In marriage, there are easy conversations and there are tough conversations, and both are important. If you cannot talk to this person about tough things then that is a warning sign. In marriage, life happens. You have bills, maybe kids, faith, careers, health, and so many important decisions to make for both people. It shouldn’t be your bills, your health, your faith, your career, your kids; it is both of yours. These things shouldn’t be kept secret. If you can’t talk about anyone of these then that is not good. Even if one person pays all of the bills it shouldn’t be a secret how things are going on the financial side. You two are one and things must fall accordingly or eventually, they will fall apart.
What do you both expect? Does he expect you to be a stay at home wife and mother? Do you expect him to work and pay all of the bills? Hey, listen up: If he tells you what he will expect don’t think that you will eventually change his mind. If he says he will want you to stay at home and that he wants three kids, but you know you want to work and maybe have one kid then you need to think about that. You aren’t going to marry him and trick him into changing his mind. I urge you to really listen to his expectations and share yours with him as well. Is he willing to meet your expectations or is he not budging? This is all important.
This isn’t everything to consider but these are 5 things that I believe are important.